I cannot believe it is already the end of May! Cody has been SO busy that I don’t know what end is up!
In the last five months, between Cody’s 45 auditions (which does not include callbacks, producer’s sessions, testing, booking and filming) his school, acting classes, and my full-time school, I am now bald. I have pulled out all my hair!
Seriously, we’ve survived. I was going to school full-time getting my master’s degree. I finally realized that I no longer have the energy I had when I was 20 years old. So just this past month, I changed my enrollment to half time. Ironically, it got more busy for Cody with his auditions! The Universe abhors a vacuum, and so filled the so-called free time! And for that I am thankful – it was filled with exactly what I had intended it to be filled with!
Some of the things I have learned over these past few months; regardless of how busy you become, you need to have a great support system. In our case, my husband is still back in Florida working and taking care of the dog and the house and whatever else comes up. His support while Cody and I are in Los Angeles is invaluable. Other family members and friends have been wonderful support as well.
I spent more than twenty years in the Air Force, and was stationed overseas for two of my six assignments. There was a comradarie being stationed overseas that you really can’t explain to those that have not experienced it. Everyone is sacrificing life away from families (not necessarily kids and spouses, but sometimes–but always parents and siblings). Fellow strangers in uniform aren’t. There is a comfort in “knowing” what the others in uniform are going through. And when the holidays come, even though we cannot spend them the way we did for years at home when growing up, we come together and make and share new memories.
When Cody and I arrived in Los Angeles in April of 2010 (barely over a year now), I looked at it like another temporary duty assignment in the military (except we were funding it!). I was leaving my husband behind, but also with his support, was excited for the beginning of a new life being the mom of a child actor. It’s interesting listening to the “naysayers” that like to claim “you’re exploiting your children for the sake of the almighty dollar” or whatever other reason they choose. I have a son who, since he was 8 years old has said “mom, I want to be an actor” with a focus that I rarely see ADULTS have. How can a parent deny a child their dream when you have the means to make it happen? We couldn’t – especially since he kept PROVING he was serious. And he still does. Oh yes, and the money he makes? It’s his. Not mine, not my husbands. And anyone that has been in a business for themselves knows how fast the expenses will deplete actual gross earnings.
So getting back to the original question; Is being the mom of a child actor a full time job? Well…I always hate hearing this answer, but believe it or not, it is oh so accurate. IT DEPENDS ON WHAT THE GOALS ARE. I know one mom who’s son was in a movie with mine. She wants to raise a family with her husband and really doesn’t want to drive two plus hours to Los Angeles every time her oldest (of three) gets an audition. I can’t say I blame her. Cody is an only child. I have already told him that I am not so sure I could do this if he had a sibling that wasn’t interested in the entertainment world.
As for us, Cody’s focus amazes me on a daily basis. Friends and family tell me it is because of me he is so focused. I will take some credit – I am trying to teach him what I know about focus and putting your goals in to writing. But he’s only twelve years old, and while still very much a kid, he’s not only auditioning, he’s writing scripts (he’s got SUCH an active imagination!), and wants to direct and produce projects as well. I already know, without a doubt, my son will be an integral part of the entertainment world for the rest of his life. And I LOVE spending my days watching it unfold as I take him to auditions and meet such wonderful people.
Cody recently wrote down his goals (again). I am most amazed that one of them are that he wants to be an Academy Award Winning Actor – and that he wants to act in that movie by his birthday this year (September 15th). I don’t know if it will happen, but I don’t know that it won’t either. And if it doesn’t happen by then, that doesn’t matter. My mastermind group always says “change the date – don’t change the goal.”
YES, for me being the mom of a child actor IS a full time job. I’m getting my master’s degree in Business Management, with the focus in Marketing. I want to market the work he is doing to the right people. After all, it seems the more he works, the more work he gets!
This is Cody's newest Post Card
This is the front side of his latest post card. We mail these out to our mailing list – snail mail as well as email (depending on preference) to let people know what he’s been doing.
In this past week, he ended up with six auditions. Two, one a voiceover, and one for a guest appearance on a TV show, we got “short notice” meaning after 5 pm, and they were to be filmed/recorded and emailed BEFORE the next morning. He did outstanding, and the TV show video was sent to producers. We don’t know anything further yet (after all, it is a holiday weekend!), but that’s ok. One of his “auditions” was actually a callback/producer/director session. He booked a supporting role in Hell & Mr. Fudge as the young Mr. Fudge. He is very excited, and very thankful to the casting director, producers and director of the film for such a wonderful opportunity (and…who knows…this could be that film in his goal list!)
As for me, over these past few months, I have continued to meet parents – mostly mom’s – supporting their kids as well. This is NOT an “over night” sensation pie-in-the-sky dream for any of our kids. I have, once again, become a part of a comraderie of people that nothing has to be said, there is just a “knowing” in what we are all dealing with, but yet an excellent support system to become a part of. I’ve “heard of” the “stage mom’s” (and really, you DON’T want to be one of them!) yet I have been fortunate enough to not have to deal with any of them. Supposedly this is a competitive industry, yet I don’t see it that way. Each child is different, no matter how many “look” alike – and each project is different. This is a business for the producers, and they want to hire the ones that fit the best in their project that will make money for them. In reality, they want every single kid to book the job, but they also know the job can only go to one. And that’s the one with the right “fit” with the rest of the cast. To me, that is not a competition. Competition assumes you have control over an outcome.
I deal with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and often, because of it, I think that I am “not doing enough” in my life. One of the biggest things I learned just this past five months is that I am raising an outstanding kid to the best of my ability and that requires me to “be there” as much as possible. I look at my PTSD as a blessing actually, because it has also taught me to pay attention to what my limitations are, and focus on the priorities one day at a time. As much as I want to “DO” whatever else comes to mind, for now, regardless of his goals and dreams, my 12-year-old son is my priority. I realize that once he becomes an adult, while I will still be a part of his life, he will very much have a life of his own (believe it or not, he has also mapped out his college and life as an adult…WOW).
If you have something to add, or questions, feel free to add or ask questions! Writing this blog is one of “MY” things I have chosen to have for ME, so I don’t go completely insane!
Valerie Sullivan
Mom to Cody Sullivan
http://www.imdb.me/CodySullivan
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Cody-Sullivan/129844847070985
Valerie@ValerieSullivan.net
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